Articles / Formula 1

Christmas Presents For F1 Fans

You know the cliché, it’s the gesture that counts, not the price tag. So a symbolic hand-crafted helmet-shaped tree ornament should be much more appreciated than a signed Ferrari race suit, regardless of your origami skills, right? Keeping that in mind, I have a few cheap and accessible gifts for the F1 fan in your life. No DVDs, rare memorabilia or books on the history of the sport, here’s the basic stuff to warm any fan’s heart.

Although, for full disclosure, the lucky recipient needs a healthy sense of humour, so better check if he/she meets the criteria beforehand. And if you’re actually looking for some useful tips, there’s a reasonable selection at the end, but you know you’re only here for the fun stuff.

mercedes-fire-extinguisher

Let’s start with the champs, it’s only fair. If you have a Lewis or Nico fan in your life, how about a fire extinguisher to put out tense situations? It will be particularly useful next time they feel the need to scream “Conspiracy!!!” at the TV screen. This particular model provides a cool breeze and gives your garments a sleek silver finish. On the down side, it’s rather noisy and might drown out the notorious V6s if administered during a race.

dan-ricciardo-teeth-whitenening-kit

Shopping for a Red Bull fan will be tricky this winter. A can of Red Bull is too ordinary, an Infiniti is too expensive and you can’t buy a Seb t-shirt cause you don’t really want to make your friend cry on Christmas day. So let’s not focus on the negative and look to the future. Help them prepare for the following season with a teeth-whitening kit and a Russian dictionary. Cause we could all use learning another phrase besides “Putin sucks”. Plus I’d rather learn a new language than listen to Brundle & Co for another year.

toro-rosso-daniil-kvyat-russia

Oh, Ferrari, is there anything left to make a Ferrari fan happy after years of misery? A miniature trophy would just seem mean, so you could just focus on helping them adjust to the imminent arrival of Sebastian, after years of ingrained hatred towards him. There are no memory-inhibiting pills and therapy sessions are rather expensive, so let’s resort to the classic problem-solver: vodka. Kimi would approve.

vettel-vodka

McLaren poses a similar challenge. There’s no Alonso merch available yet and the post December 1st official announcement for the other driver means that any order may not make it in time for Christmas. Any Jenson fans may want to take a greedy gulp from their Ferrari friends before opening their pressies though. Best gift to get them through the winter: a motivational samurai book. Useful to get into the Alonso & Honda mindset early on, and maybe deal better with any future disappointment. How about this one? Sounds like something Nando would write…

the compassionate samurai book alonso

Things get much easier for Williams fans, stability and success is a good recipe for a happy new year. Get them a Martini gift set to get off cheap, or if you’re in the mood for papercraft, I’m sure there are enough photos of Susie out there to crop up a calendar.

susie-wolff-vogue-jun13-issue-jason-bell-1-b

Most Force India fans want one and one thing only: a life-size cardboard cut-out of Hulk. And some Smirnoff for long dark winter nights. Easy-peasy!

hulkenberg-cardboard-cut-offs

Toro Rosso have a brand new line-up (in more ways than one), so the team’s fans will need something to stop them from feeling old. How about a totally predictable branded pacifier or a bottle of warm Red Bull? Umm, forget that last one, I’m feeling a little queasy just thinking about it.

red bull pacifier carlos sainz max verstappen

You’ll need something very strong to get Sauber fans out of their depression. Because I’m actually struggling to remember who’s teaming Ericsson on the grid next year, how about a “Make Your Own Contract” kit? The team already has about 4 drivers signed, maybe if they get an army they can cover every inch of the grid.

sauber-contract

Lotus fans, you’re getting a sweet treat: marshmallows! You know, for when the car sets something alight. Again. And a yearly subscription to a bumper car rental for Maldonado fans to air their frustrations. Good thing there aren’t many of those fans around here, because we only get them during carnivals.

maldonado-marshmallow

As for the two lovely yet troubled gangs at the end of the grid, there’s no better gift than a donation. Although I’d rather make it to the ballet, or some sort of actual charity, which F1 isn’t. Also, see if you can grab something at Marussia’s auction.

If nothing really appealed to you or you think your friends might not appreciate the gesture, here’s something more substantial to gift them with. It’s nice stuff, it says “Yes, I know you’re rather obsessed with cars”, while my gift suggestions go one step further to a “See, I listen to your Sunday rants!?”.

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